Unwanted Crowds led to an Awakening of Self

I am grateful for the lessons that come with the trials we experience in life, there are times where we want to give up but can’t because this isn’t in our control. Then there are times where giving up is an option but would it then be worth it?

Toxic people attach themselves like cinder blocks tied to your ankles, and then invite you for a swim in their poisoned waters.
                      

    – John Mark Green-

I used to enjoy the love and attention I got from those around me until it started feeling toxic, until they felt some sort of entitlement over my life and what I do, until they felt their opinions mattered even in places where it wasn’t needed. Living for people and according to their standards of life and the criteria presented to me did me more bad than good. I’d cry and starve myself to sleep which wasn’t good for my health, my smiles and laughter were forced in most cases supported by the echoes of their disturbing giggles.

Save your skin from the corrosive acids from the mouths of toxic people. Someone who just helped you to speak evil about another person can later help another person to speak evil about you.

  – Israelmore Ayivor-

Some of these people are people you wouldn’t think of because they are the ones you deem inspiring and aspire to be.Those who are deceptive and narcissistic low key although the love you have for them blinds a sister.. Those who bask in your tears and suffering.

I felt like a prisoner in my own body and the goddess in me was trapped, the fighter in me went mum, my voice of reasoning went silent and my soul and spirit weren’t having it anymore.


I’d find myself remodeling my anger so what they saw wasn’t what they wanted, it frustrated them until I managed to take my power back, the process was lengthy but it was worth it.

The minute you start living a life that favors you more, these people slowly disappear from your life. The boundaries you set anger them and once that chord that kept you and them together gets cut they regroup among themselves so they can feed their hunger for other people’s lives and their experiences over a cup of tea and a few emojis.. They skinner and giggle away because they have nothing better to do with theirs, this then leads to them trying to keep up with your every move and once they realize they can’t anymore they come for you once more but keep things indirect.

When I got to learn this I felt a sense of relief make its way all over my body because I cut that chord and locked the door then through the the key into the dungeon of the puff’s den. They couldnt even question my actions or point fingers because I shut them up too! I sealed their lips with gorilla glue and silenced their mumbles so I could listen to the forces of nature and the voices of those who aren’t as wicked or toxic.

Some experiences are necessary they may not be beautiful and sparkly, but are necessary. You learn through these things and pick yourself up from the ground on which you fell.. I appreciate the lessons that came with the fall because I was able to retrieve the pieces I thought I had lost in me through the learning phase. I was able to reboot and reconnect with my ancestors and my guide who protected me through and through, they guided me through and held my hand they wiped my tears and comforted my bruised being nursing me back to who I was meant to be and not to who I thought I was.

My ancestors reminding me of who I was not only saved me from the shithole I put myself in unknowingly but it also awakaned me to a different reality and world, it lifted the veil that blinded me and silenced my intuition, it revived the goddess in me and like a Phoenix my ashes rose again because I was made to understand more about my true purpose in this life.

I no longer react to negative things the way I did way before my fallout with those I thought loved me, they were there at that time because I too lacked self love.
My reaction was a result of the wounds they triggered in me which needed healing.

The key to discovering your truth is understanding who you are and who you are not. 

6 thoughts on “Unwanted Crowds led to an Awakening of Self

  1. LaNkosi this is a piece that is worth reading because it speaks about our social circles – the kind of people we keep in our daily lives. I am glad that you were able to give yourself time to analyze your circles, isolate yourself for self-introspection, cut of the negative energies that were surrounding you and begin a journey of healing.

    Your non conformist attitude towards the world Is what we all need in order to pave our journey of self-discovery and “awakening of the self”.

    Ndlovukazi keep writing; as a well of wisdom you have a story to share with the rest of the world. YOU CONTINUE TO TOUCH OUR HEARTS. WE ARE LEARNING. WE ARE FACING OUR DEMONS AND WE’RE HEALING.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. LaNkosi this is a piece that is worth reading because it speaks about our social circles – the kind of people we keep in our daily lives. I am glad that you were able to give yourself time to analyze your circles, isolate yourself for self-introspection, cut of the negative energies that were surrounding you and begin a journey of healing.
    Your non conformist attitude towards the world Is what we all need in order to pave our journey of self-discovery and “awakening of the self”.
    Ndlovukazi keep writing; as a well of wisdom you have a story to share with the rest of the world. YOU CONTINUE TO TOUCH OUR HEARTS. WE ARE LEARNING. WE ARE FACING OUR DEMONS AND WE’RE HEALING!

    Like

  3. LaNkosi this is a piece that is worth reading because it speaks about our social circles – the kind of people we keep in our daily lives. I am glad that you were able to give yourself time to analyze your circles, isolate yourself for self-introspection, cut of the negative energies that were surrounding you and begin a journey of healing.

    Your non conformist attitude towards the world Is what we all need in order to pave our journey of self-discovery and “awakening of the self”.

    Ndlovukazi keep writing; as a well of wisdom you have a story to share with the rest of the world. YOU CONTINUE TO TOUCH OUR HEARTS. WE ARE LEARNING. WE ARE FACING OUR DEMONS AND WE’RE HEALIN

    Liked by 1 person

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