My Tower Moment

When everything seemed to be going south in that relationship I thought was solid and built on pure intentions, negative thoughts began to swim inside my head corrupting my mind with anger and vengeful ideas.

You see no one is ever really ready to swallow a pill that may uncover the mask that had them believing in an inexistent fairytale, I never really knew the people I claimed to have known and loved and discovering this fact – having to acknowledge it led to a breakdown I never knew I needed.
Crying and allowing yourself time to process the truth and reality of the effects brushing things under the carpet had on your life is necessary for true healing to occur, the tough act only breeds more problems because it requires you to either address the issue through the guidance of your ego or brush it under the carpet and chant forgiveness when none of that happened.

I felt betrayed by members of my family who acted in a manner that was motivated by greed fuelled by hate and distaste for my actual existence, I was hurting when the mask fell off and they stopped the act revealing their true colors. The ugly reality was now in full view and I couldn’t hide or try sway my view from this, it had to happen I had to see it and acknowledge it. I remember how quick tears began to roll down my cheeks and how intense the pain in my chest was, I felt overwhelmed and out of balance instead of improving things got worse and I was on the verge of giving up, if it weren’t for the voice that calmed me down from within which guided me to my room instructing me to light a candle, pray about it and cry if I had to… Then I’d be telling a different story from a wounded perspective where anger and revenge govern the energy.

We can’t stop people from being themselves neither can we prevent things that were meant to be from occurring, but we can surely protect ourselves from drowning in pain that was never ours to carry alone through healing the wounds we so badly want to forget.
Toxic family members don’t know how to put others into consideration, everything with them has a self-referential element instead of being self-reflective, your feelings are inexistent to them and your emotional state is worth nothing hence their inability to relate to you when you confront them about the way their actions make you feel – if you aren’t careful their manipulation may have you questioning your own sanity even though you’re the victim and they are the vialin. For me to understand this, it took time because I so badly wanted to fight and violently “reclaim my strength ” I started listening to the whimpering of my ego silencing that which my soul was trying to say and instead of getting better it got worse I’d cry all over again and fume from within, hearing their names made it worse I felt this fire burn from within all I wanted to do was huff and puff like dragon burning anything that hurt me because I felt betrayed by my own blood which was meant to protect me. I allowed them power over me and when it had slipped from my hands it took time for me to realise that I had lived a lie and was struggling to accept that not forgetting how I was afraid of change. When I realized this I took a few steps backwards apologizing to myself for allowing people who never cared such power over me, I remember a sense of relief and safety sweeping into my room and that loneliness I felt when I was all fired up had disappeared.

Through spiritual practices, prayer and the surrounds of nature, I was able to identify a few traits and things I developed and nearly normalized under the grip of those who hurt me:
🦋 A sense of belonging to an advanced group
🦋Dominance over those who aren’t on our wave
🦋Arrogance and ego are the voices of reason
🦋Money can’t buy happiness but it can buy you out of trouble and confronting your demons

How I felt when they removed the masks and I was face to face with the truth not the lie:
🦋 Betrayed and deceived by family
🦋Angry at them and myself
🦋Angry at my parents for their lack of action
🦋Angry at my little brother for not seeing through the manipulation
🦋Angry at myself for not being awake to the actual truth
🦋Angry at myself for not defending myself
🦋Disrespected
🦋Played with
🦋Undermined and misunderstood by those I thought I knew

One of the many lessons learnt here is that deception and betrayal from those close to you may happen but that doesn’t mean you should challenge your ancestors by questioning them and doubting their strength and wisdom when such experiences come your way. Adaptability to your situation promotes a balance thus allowing you to focus on your priorities even during times of trial and tribulation, identify the source of your trauma.

Rid yourself of the false sense of independence, be courageous in all you do and allow those who walk with you to guide you be open to receiving and pay attention to the signs approach the problem with patience unlocking your inner magic, speak to you ancestors they are listening. Honor and respect your deep sensitivity as it is a gift to us all,seek for the protection of your ancestors.

🍁 Eccl 7:3 Frustration is better than laughter because a sad face is good for the heart. 

Allow your ancestors to guide and guard you, let them assist in removing the pieces that seem stagnant the constant urge to heal the past shouldn’t be ignored wounds must heal and growth must occur.

My perception of my problem had to change because it was wrong and it kept me vibrating at a low frequency where happiness and joy were foreign and smiles were forced. I had to shift my perception allowing my guides to lead me diving deeper into my lineage uncovering wounds that needed to heal, I had to understand that wounds may exist but that wouldn’t prevent my growth from occurring it would still happen but at a slower pace. My experience may have been a tearfilled one but it was necessary, I now understand how family is one of our connections to life whether alive or not they do contribute to the energy of your home. When the play was still on and masks were worn the energy in the house was heavy but it felt light because of the activities we engaged in which were actually low vibrational and non beneficial because it was all a lie, when the switch was turned off and masks were taken off the energy was intense and heavy, anger, betrayal and digsut roamed around freely nursing our egos and quenching the thirst for bitterness to dominate and for people to trip – I despised this because I enjoy the calming and healing sounds of nature now I couldn’t because I was hurting and the energy in the house kept on reminding me.

I had to open up myself, allowing the winds of justice and transformation to resolve the already brewing conflict which prevented me from communicating my true feelings to myself and those who walk with me. My ignorance would only lead to conclusions that were inaccurate and poisonous for my well-being, this was a sign of disconnectedness from self which had to be repaired through reconnecting to my lineage, why would I allow loneliness to creep in when I was never alone in the first place? Who am I to conclude without the input of my ancestors?

When a tower is built on a rocky foundation, it will crumble.

Anonymous

I haven’t fully healed, the journey is an unending one but there has been a change and shift of perception which calmed the storms.